I received NO compensation for this post.
Adoption is such a selfless and generous gift that you can give a child. I have marveled over the years at families that have adopted over and over. Some have had natural birth children and some were unable to have children.
I have seen the work and dedication that goes into having these blended families and first hand the heartache of when something goes wrong. I’m not sure why some children are given back and some parents are more dedicated and work through the problems, but it might be centered around how people can and why they give up their children for adoption in the first place.
I went to school with a family who had adopted four children through Catholic Services a family who couldn’t have natural children. And then….it happened….. Mom got pregnant. She was thrilled, the whole family was thrilled and I was pleased to see that all of the children were treated the same and doted on this baby when it arrived. They have a beautiful family.
Another person my family is familiar with adopted a child and then got pregnant and gave the adopted child back, and I JUDGED. I was angry at the mom for a long time. I was 16 and didn’t understand how a mom could give a child back. I didn’t know all the pain this child was causing before she got pregnant. I didn’t know that she was given back because the parents were terrified that this child was going to kill them or the new baby. Nope, I judged her, and I’m very sorry for that.
Coming to the decision to adopt isn’t easy. When you want a child or a family, nothing will get in your way and to fill that need people have resorted to adopting older children, and children over seas. The problem comes in when you don’t know what you’re getting in to. Many of these children are damaged goods, they are children that were castaways in their own country. It could be because of their sex, how they look, and even because of physical defects. Orphanages in other countries are not always funded or regulated and these children are neglected. The answer to this in many of our minds is to love them.
Well, it’s not so simple. Because these children aren’t touched, loved and cherished as they should be while growing up, they come with unseen problems. They have attachment disorders, they have anger issues, and so much more. Many people are not mentally prepared to deal with this not to mention financially able.
There is an article on Yahoo right now that is a must read, Giving Away “Anatoly Z”. This story charaterizes what many parents go through and the fact that many kids are rehomed. This just supports my opinion that Mental Health needs to be addressed and people need to be helped financially.
Children need to be loved and cherished and the reality is they are not. They are bought and sold, they are mistreated, and caught in the tug of war of broken marriages. The reason I’m writing this post is because more people need to help and not judge as I did. I’m 100% ashamed of myself now for judging this beautiful woman who now has a close and loving relationship with the child she returned, at some point this child came back to her. This situation wasn’t ideal or easy for anyone but has a happier ending than many others.