The Truth About Adopting Children

I received NO compensation for this post.  

 

Adoption is such a selfless and generous gift that you can give a child. I have marveled over the years at families that have adopted over and over. Some have had natural birth children and some were unable to have children.

I have seen the work and dedication that goes into having these blended families and first hand the heartache of when something goes wrong. I’m not sure why some children are given back and some parents are more dedicated and work through the problems, but it might be centered around how people can and why they give up their children for adoption in the first place.

I went to school with a family who had adopted four children through Catholic Services a family who couldn’t have natural children. And then….it happened….. Mom got pregnant. She was thrilled, the whole family was thrilled and I was pleased to see that all of the children were treated the same and doted on this baby when it arrived. They have a beautiful family.

Another person my family is familiar with adopted a child and then got pregnant and gave the adopted child back, and I JUDGED. I was angry at the mom for a long time. I was 16 and didn’t understand how a mom could give a child back. I didn’t know all the pain this child was causing before she got pregnant. I didn’t know that she was given back because the parents were terrified that this child was going to kill them or the new baby. Nope, I judged her, and I’m very sorry for that.

Coming to the decision to adopt isn’t easy. When you want a child or a family, nothing will get in your way and to fill that need people have resorted to adopting older children, and children over seas. The problem comes in when you don’t know what you’re getting in to. Many of these children are damaged goods, they are children that were castaways in their own country. It could be because of their sex, how they look, and even because of physical defects. Orphanages in other countries are not always funded or regulated and these children are neglected. The answer to this in many of our minds is to love them.

Well, it’s not so simple. Because these children aren’t touched, loved and cherished as they should be while growing up, they come with unseen problems. They have attachment disorders, they have anger issues, and so much more. Many people are not mentally prepared to deal with this not to mention financially able.

There is an article on Yahoo right now that is a must read, Giving Away “Anatoly Z”. This story charaterizes what many parents go through and the fact that many kids are rehomed. This just supports my opinion that Mental Health needs to be addressed and people need to be helped financially.

Children need to be loved and cherished and the reality is they are not. They are bought and sold, they are mistreated, and caught in the tug of war of broken marriages. The reason I’m writing this post is because more people need to help and not judge as I did. I’m 100% ashamed of myself now for judging this beautiful woman who now has a close and loving relationship with the child she returned, at some point this child came back to her. This situation wasn’t ideal or easy for anyone but has a happier ending than many others.

 

Disclosure:  I may have received money, product or a gift card for the purpose of this review.  This is my opinion and mine alone.

38 comments for “The Truth About Adopting Children

  1. December 11, 2014 at 10:16 am

    I appreciated the article. I have many people in my family who have been adopted in. We love all of them and we are grateful for the birth parents who made the decision they did .It takes strong people on both sides to be a part of this kind of loving gift.

  2. December 11, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Great post. I’ve adopted kids with special needs and I understand the struggle. It’s hard but so rewarding.

  3. December 11, 2014 at 10:44 am

    I especially liked the way you spoke about how you judged a mother for giving back a child. I think many of the problems we all have today are caused by uninformed judgements – something we are all guilty of.

  4. MJ
    December 11, 2014 at 11:02 am

    It is heartbreaking to hear the stories where a family does not work out and I could not agree more about needing better mental health services!

  5. Danielle K
    December 11, 2014 at 11:21 am

    Eye opening post. I know someone that just adopted out a daughter and it’s hard all around.

  6. December 11, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    To adopt a child is a wonderful thing and also .. I am sure.. a difficult one. I applaud all those that adopt and foster kids.

  7. December 11, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    My mother was adopted and my sister adopted, so I can appreciate adoption from both ends. Thanks for a great post.

  8. December 11, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    Great article, love your insight!

  9. December 12, 2014 at 10:02 am

    What an inspiring and emotional post, thanks for sharing! Adoption is a wonderful gift not only for the child being adopted but for the family adopting the child. I have several friends who have struggled to get pregnant or never married and wanted to have a family of their own. Seeing my friends dream of having their own family come true is proof enough that adoption is worth the red tape and emotional roller coaster.

  10. katrina g
    December 12, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    i am adopted myself and was in the system for 7 years. i am forever in debt to my parents for helping me. adoption is a beautiful thing.

  11. December 15, 2014 at 10:34 am

    I think that it must be hard to deal with some of the problems but I also think that once that commitment is made it is just like giving birth they become your children for better or worse. I will also admit though that the only experience I have witnessed have all had very happy endings but I have seen families with birth children go through some horrific situations as well. I think when you sign those adoption papers there should be no going back. That’s just my opinion.

  12. Robin (Masshole Mommy)
    December 15, 2014 at 11:22 am

    People never truly know what goes on behind the scenes in anyone else’s house. It’s hard not to judge, but you’re right – we shouldn’t be.

  13. December 15, 2014 at 11:29 am

    Adoption is a beautiful thing, and I think one that is often overlooked. I know people rarely think of adopting when wanting children, but I always admire those who are able to do it. It is not easy, especially with older kids. I agree we need to have more service in place to cater to everyone who needs it. Kids are hard enough, but imagine becoming a mom and you don’t come home with an infant, but a teenager. It’s a lot of work and stress on everyone to adjust. It breaks my heart when I see kids given back though.

  14. December 15, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    Great post. My biggest takeaway? Never judge until you’ve walked a mile in another person’s shoes. We never know the whole story.

  15. December 15, 2014 at 6:14 pm

    Adoption is such an amazing gift – I wish we had the physical space to do it. I greatly admire everyone who adopts.

  16. December 15, 2014 at 7:01 pm

    I have always wanted to adopt. It has always been a passion of mine to take in a child who might not ever know the love of an unconditional family.

    Reading this made me want to even more. Nothing is easy, but it is absolutely worth it.

  17. December 15, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    Adoption is so selfless and amazing – I’m in awe of people who do it.

  18. December 15, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    Bringing a child into your home, through birth or adoption, is a gamble. Some children will be easier to guide than others but even difficult children need to be raised and loved. I think a lot more people of the younger generations are looking into adoption as their first choice. I think that is so great!

  19. December 15, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    I would love to adopt a child but i agree it is a huge decision. Especially since you do not know what the child has been through.

  20. Lauren
    December 15, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    I love this post! Adoption is a great act, and I love everyone that is able to!

  21. Tonya C
    December 15, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    I’ve always admired people who adopt. It must take a special person to take a child into their home who isn’t their own. My hat off to them.

  22. Catherine S
    December 15, 2014 at 11:18 pm

    What a great post. I have a friend who is in the process of adopting. It has been stressful, but it will be worth it in the end.

  23. Elizabeth O.
    December 16, 2014 at 12:47 am

    I have a huge admiration for people who adopt. It’s a great gift!

  24. December 16, 2014 at 4:01 am

    What a great post, you said everything needed to be said. I admire anyone who adopts and wish the laws could allow more people to adopt. I know someone who has been on a “waiting list” for years.

  25. Fi Ní Neachtáin
    December 16, 2014 at 4:24 am

    Adoption is such a great thing. I just wish the system to give a child a loving home wasn’t so lengthy or expensive.

  26. December 16, 2014 at 8:31 am

    My pastor and his wife have the most beautiful family story. When they were newly married, they were told they were unlikely to conceive a child naturally because of medical issues. They fostered to adopt a little boy. Then they went on to conceive two more children. A few years ago, they felt their hearts tugging them to adopt and now their family is complete with siblings they adopted from Uganda.

  27. December 16, 2014 at 9:19 am

    It sounds like her role in the child’s life was instrumental, and touching enough to bring the child back later in life. That really is a happy ending.

  28. December 16, 2014 at 10:59 am

    I had a few friends that were adopted into their families when i was growing up. I remember the big celebration they had the day the adoptions went threw. Both families already had other children and wanted to add to the family.

  29. December 16, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    I totally agree that adoption is a selfless and generous gift that you can give a child. We have a family friend who adopted a child and she’s now grown up and successful. I also have a friend who’s planning to adopt a child. I admire people who do this.

  30. December 16, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    Very inspiring post. I have always wanted to adopt a child.

  31. December 16, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    I have a few friends that were adopted. It is heartbreaking though to hear that not everyone has a picture perfect story.

  32. Bonnie @ wemake7
    December 16, 2014 at 6:20 pm

    It certainly is a generous gift to adopt. I don’t really know anyone close to me that has done so but hear about it all the time.

  33. December 16, 2014 at 9:56 pm

    What an amazing article! We do know a lot who have adopted and have been adopted. Truly amazing.

  34. Courtney
    December 16, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    Adopting kids is such an amazing thing!!! I admire all that do it 🙂

  35. December 17, 2014 at 4:25 am

    That’s why so many prefer to adopt children once they’re born or very young since many of the older children are what you said: damaged goods. However, these children are the ones who need love the most since they normally don’t know what it feels like to be loved. It isn’t the easiest since many of them are very angry and bitter towards adults, thanks to their past experiences. It’s heartbreaking! I’m so happy to hear that your friend was able to reconnect with the child later on, though.

  36. December 18, 2014 at 3:30 am

    this is truly things those who are thinking of adopting should know about before engaging into it.

  37. laura rubenstein
    December 22, 2014 at 6:09 pm

    Adoption is a hard decision and I admire anyone that makes that choice

  38. January 28, 2015 at 10:32 am

    Adoption looks like easy on the outside but I read some stories that it is not how it looks.

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