The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

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When I started dating my husband he had been the boy next door. It wasn’t love at first site but a friendship that grew into a relationship. He was my first real boyfriend, but I wasn’t his first girlfriend. I was insecure in what I was supposed to do, what was expected of me, things that other people knew but I seemed to have missed the boat on. I had always been more busy with band, sports and school than to really think about guys. Sure, I’d had crushes here and there but this was different.

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Not only had he had girlfriends, he’d been engaged. He would not talk about any of his previous relationships with the “I don’t kiss and tell” attitude. That one stance made me insecure in our relationship. It made me think I was 2nd best, that because he didn’t want to talk about it that he still cared about the other girl. It hurt and at times made me angry. My husband has never been a man of many words and this instilled a lot of self-doubt in me.

 

I eventually got over it and enjoyed the attention my husband lavished on me. The kindness and thoughtfulness that he gives me. He’s a super father and would do anything for our kids. He provides well for our family and constantly works on the honey-do list. He doesn’t complain and is truly the best friend I could ever wish for. We’ve been through so much together and it has created a deep and loving bond between us.

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So the other day I was very unprepared when my husband blurted out that he is so happy with our relationship and so glad that his other one had failed. He gave me a few of the trashy details with out really spilling all, but it suddenly gave me the security I had been searching for. She had hurt him so deeply and so many times that all he can think about during that time period is the pain. He wanted a marriage that would last over the years, and our has (25 years). He explained to me that even though they were engaged he knew they wouldn’t be married long.

After all of these years it finally occurred to me that I wasn’t 2nd best, and that he didn’t settle for me. I am the best in his eyes and that had he married her he would have been settling. Knowing with out a doubt that you are number one in your husbands eyes means the world and gave me all new incentive to be the best wife and mother I can be. One that fills him and our family with love.

10 comments for “The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

  1. Louisa Moje
    June 6, 2016 at 6:39 pm

    Wow so true. It is important for us ladies to feel and know that we are #1 in the heart of our significant other. 25 years? Way to go girl!

  2. June 6, 2016 at 7:07 pm

    What a wonderful story and realization. A lot of people don’t give themselves enough credit, which can turn into trust issues and cause a marriage to be shaky. So happy that you are embracing his love! 🙂

  3. June 6, 2016 at 7:13 pm

    What a good blog post. I love when couples share their personal stories. I find it so interesting.

  4. June 6, 2016 at 7:40 pm

    I can definitely sympathize with you on the feeling 2nd best and not having that security in your relationship as I have felt that in every relationship that I have been in. Sadly it seems that the other person in the relationship never truly understands that you need that security or why but it truly is a big thing. Glad that you got it and feel much better in your relationship now.

  5. Jen
    June 7, 2016 at 11:04 am

    When you marry someone with a child, the ex is always in your life. I have been so lucky in that this person is amazing and supportive of me being a second mother to her child. She is my friend, and I am able to see his past as a part of who he is. Great post!

  6. Valerie Robinson
    June 7, 2016 at 11:29 am

    Great, relatable post! perfectly stated!

  7. June 13, 2016 at 1:14 am

    It’s funny, isn’t it, how the littlest things can make such a difference in our relationships? I am glad the things your husband said gave you peace of mind (at last)!

  8. Cheryl Everitt
    July 4, 2016 at 7:39 pm

    My husband and share pretty much everything. I have never been anxious about any of the past girls. Awesome read! Thank you.

  9. July 28, 2016 at 12:34 pm

    Love this post. So happy that you feel more secure in your relationship now.

  10. ellen beck
    July 30, 2016 at 2:02 am

    I hae been married a very long time and still dont know all of my husband past. It took forever to make him understand I wasnt leaving, or going away. Sometimes men need the security too, and do we.

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