When I started dating my husband he had been the boy next door. It wasn’t love at first site but a friendship that grew into a relationship. He was my first real boyfriend, but I wasn’t his first girlfriend. I was insecure in what I was supposed to do, what was expected of me, things that other people knew but I seemed to have missed the boat on. I had always been more busy with band, sports and school than to really think about guys. Sure, I’d had crushes here and there but this was different.
Not only had he had girlfriends, he’d been engaged. He would not talk about any of his previous relationships with the “I don’t kiss and tell” attitude. That one stance made me insecure in our relationship. It made me think I was 2nd best, that because he didn’t want to talk about it that he still cared about the other girl. It hurt and at times made me angry. My husband has never been a man of many words and this instilled a lot of self-doubt in me.
I eventually got over it and enjoyed the attention my husband lavished on me. The kindness and thoughtfulness that he gives me. He’s a super father and would do anything for our kids. He provides well for our family and constantly works on the honey-do list. He doesn’t complain and is truly the best friend I could ever wish for. We’ve been through so much together and it has created a deep and loving bond between us.
So the other day I was very unprepared when my husband blurted out that he is so happy with our relationship and so glad that his other one had failed. He gave me a few of the trashy details with out really spilling all, but it suddenly gave me the security I had been searching for. She had hurt him so deeply and so many times that all he can think about during that time period is the pain. He wanted a marriage that would last over the years, and our has (25 years). He explained to me that even though they were engaged he knew they wouldn’t be married long.
After all of these years it finally occurred to me that I wasn’t 2nd best, and that he didn’t settle for me. I am the best in his eyes and that had he married her he would have been settling. Knowing with out a doubt that you are number one in your husbands eyes means the world and gave me all new incentive to be the best wife and mother I can be. One that fills him and our family with love.