Breaking Out Of Conformity and Obligation – The How Journey

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All of my life I have been afraid of disappointing people and not living up to their standards.  By doing so I haven’t lived up to my standards and have disappointed myself.  So today I sat thinking and dreaming about what I would love the perfect holiday decorations for my home to look like.  Dreaming and thinking that it’s too bad I can’t do the things I would love.

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Why can’t I?  Well first I my husband and I bought his childhood home and my mother in law still casts her touches about.  Her idea of the perfect Christmas decorations is a Hallmark moment.  While I don’t mind Hallmark it isn’t how I picture Christmas.  In the past I’ve rotated her idea and mine just to please her.  This year that stops.

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First off my mother in law lives alone.  She has beautiful things with no one to see them.  This is HER choosing not mine.  She has alienated her friends and in a way her family too.  Her home isn’t one that you visit without an invitation and so her personal touch isn’t seen.  Our home has a revolving door which is why I think she works so hard to cast her spells about the place (yeah, that’s figurative btw cause there are no real witches here).

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My idea of the perfect decorations?  A tree full of homemade ornaments and ornaments collected over the years with a special story.  Christmas cards tucked between the branches from those that love us enough to pen a note.  GARLAND!  I love garland, and it never struck me how much until my daughter reminded me of all the paper chains, strung popcorn, strung gumdrops and the sort that we had done over the years.  And the topper?  I have beautiful angels, crosses and stars that each year sit in boxes so that I can display the angel my mother in law prefers.

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I took a few moments today to sit and think about what my house could be this holiday season.  What sipping cocoa, listening to holiday music and looking around would make me happy.  I took the time to write these down and am going to work on items that need to be made and making this vision come true and maybe, just maybe, my mother in law will admire my own touch this year.

10 comments for “Breaking Out Of Conformity and Obligation – The How Journey

  1. Charlotte W
    November 13, 2016 at 6:25 pm

    Something deeper than Hallmark going on between you and your mother in law dear. I know the feeling. I’ve been married to her son for more than 26 years. She doesn’t miss an opportunity to slight me, but then will send me a gift. I don’t get it. Her grandson and my husband get nothing, but she sends me a gift?

  2. Tamra Phelps
    November 13, 2016 at 6:44 pm

    It is your house, so you should decorate it as you please. (Of course, there’s nothing wrong with doing things to make others happy…if the appreciate it. If they don’t, why bother?) Merry Christmas…when it gets here, lol.

  3. MINERVA LEBRON
    November 14, 2016 at 6:34 pm

    MY MOTHER IN LAW DECORATED THE CHRISTMAS TREE WITH THE CARDS SHE WAS RECEIVING EVERY YEAR. HER CHRISTMAS TREE WAS MORE BEAUTIFUL EACH YEAR. ON DECEMBER 31TH 2013 SHE WENT TO HER HUSBAND’S FAMILY TO PRAY FOR A YEAR OF ONE OF HER BROTHER IN LAW DIED. THEY WENT EARLY BECAUSE THEY WERE GOING TO STAY OVERNIGHT BECAUSE THEY WILL BE PRAYING AT NIGHT. IT WAS NOON AND SHE FINISHED OF EATING AND WHEN SHE WAS GOING TO THE KITCHEN TO WASH DISHES, SHE HAD TWO “MEDICAL ” ATTACKS: HEART AND BRAIN. THANKS GOD SHE IS ALIVE. SHE IS IN A WHEELCHAIR, SHE CAN’T TALK; BUT SHE IS ALWAYS SMILING. NO MORE CARDS ON THE CHRISTMAS TREE, NO MORE TREE. BUT I’M HAPPY SHE IS ALIVE. AFTER THAT I STARTED TO THINK; WHEN WE ARE CELEBRATING A LIFE, OTHERS ARE CRYING FOR THEIR DEATH. NOW, MY FAMILY JUST REMEMBER THE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS OR THANKSGIVING, ETC. BUT ALWAYS REMEMBERING THAT OTHERS ARE NOT CELEBRATING. THEY ARE CRYING AND THIS TIME ONE FROM OUR FAMILY CHEATS THE DEATHS FOR A WHILE; BUT TIME WILL COME THAT WE WILL CRY, TOO.

  4. vicki lorenz
    November 19, 2016 at 2:11 pm

    I think you should do what YOU want to do. You are under no obligation to decorate or run your home under her rules. Although I respect my mother in law and love her. She has never done this to me. She comes over and enjoys the way I decorate. I enjoy her decorations. It is a mutual respect we have for one another. Do for you, too bad and sorry that she doesn’t like it. Once you stand your ground she will learn to respect you more. Good luck with her.

  5. Valerie Guastavino
    November 21, 2016 at 5:15 am

    Fortunately, I have always been a non-conformist; though it doesn’t make life easier.

  6. Terry Poage
    December 4, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    Sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut to keep the peace, but it is your house to do what you want to with.

  7. Rebecca Kerchner-Love
    December 6, 2016 at 8:04 am

    I don’t like feeling obligated to do or go places. I live life for me, but it does also have a question of importance.

  8. Lanie
    December 6, 2016 at 8:37 pm

    I am a firm believer that you could do things because you truly want to. If you heart isn’t in it and you are simply doing it to please other people, it is not going to end well. Seems like you are doing the right thing by doing what YOU want! Make your home and heart happy. 😀

  9. Barrie
    December 15, 2016 at 9:50 pm

    wow…that’s a difficult position to be in. Maybe there is a way to decorate your house your way but to still include your MIL?

  10. Natalie
    February 6, 2017 at 7:54 am

    I can relate to being scared about disappointing people. I do a lot of things because I feel guilty if I don’t.

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